Many of the couples we meet desire to make things work, to see their relationship restored. But some couples are getting a divorce and want to make sure they don't repeat the same mistakes.
In this video, Tom Philp, LPC and CEO, explains this approach.
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You might think that those couples that come to us are always on the same page, that their goal is always to heal or fix the relationship, but that's not always true.
Hi, I’m Tom Philp from Stonebridge Couples Therapy. I want to take a minute and talk about the different kinds of therapy we provide. Certainly, a lot of couples we get come to us because they both want to save the relationship, they both want to fix what's broken, they both want to be able to reconnect and feel better about meeting each other's needs and being in the relationship. They both want to feel accepted by the other, but not all couples we get have that same goal, sometimes couples come to us and they're actually not on the same page.
One partner is leaning in, the other partner is leaning out. One partner's really unsure of whether the relationship should continue or not, the other partner might be scared to lose their friend, their best friend, their partner and really want to work on it.
In those kinds of situations, that's not always best to go forward full speed with what we would consider to be true therapy. So, we have another type of therapy provided, called “Discernment Counseling.”
So, what we do is, we help the couple actually come to understand whether they can meet their needs in that relationship or not and so, we take some sessions and one of the best things that we can do, one of the best gifts that I could possibly provide a couple that, if they're not going to stay together, is to truly understand why they're splitting up, to understand each person's role in that relationship that was unable to meet each other's needs.
So, when they go on and they have other relationships and most often they always do, they can take that gift with them. They can take that deep understanding about what triggers me, what feelings come up for me, the story I tell myself about those feelings and the ways that I protect myself that actually disconnect from my partner.
So, I know that I play a role in this relationship, I play a role in the disconnection that happens. That's really a tremendous gift in my opinion, because as I tell a lot of couples: “if you're gonna break up, one of the best things you can do is be absolutely clear, to have as much clarity as possible around why you broke up, so that you don't go on to another relationship and actually repeat the same mistakes over and over and over again.”
So, those are just a couple of different kinds of therapy that we actually provide to couples.
Some couples certainly come to us, they certainly are on the same page, they want to fix what's broken, they want to heal, they want to mend, they want to get better, but a lot of other couples come to us and they're trying to figure out whether this relationship can survive, whether they can really meet each other's needs long term in this relationship.
Hey, feel free to go to our website. We've got lots of great e-books that you can download for free. It's StonebridgeCouples.com. Thanks for watching, we'll see you next time.
- Tom Philp, LPC & CEO Stonebridge Couples Therapy