Updated: Jun 30
Tom Philp (LPC, CEO) encourages men in our latest vlog.
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Hi, I’m Tom Philp from Stonebridge Couples Therapy. You know, I want to speak to the men for just a moment in this video.
What I’ve found is it's difficult for men sometimes to want to come and get help and to want to come and actually find ways to improve the relationship. It's not that they don't care about the relationship, I’ve never had a man come in with his partner and not care about making things better.
I think the difficulty is in asking for help. We need help, we need to find somebody or something that helps us to do things differently than what we're currently doing and hey, I get it, culture sends us a message that as men we're supposed to be invincible, that we're supposed to figure everything out.
No problem is too big, we're strong, we're independent and we should have the solutions to everything, but the fact of the matter is, we just don't, we're human like everybody else and so, I think coming to that place where we recognize that, what we're doing is not currently working in our relationship and that we need help, is showing a tremendous amount of courage. It's not weakness like much of our culture would have us believe, but rather it's incredible strength.
My sons and I were watching a movie recently, it was called “The Outsiders”, a Martin Scorsese film made back in the 1980s. Actually, shot right here in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Johnny and Ponyboy have run away because they killed one of the socials. Dally comes to get them and he's bringing them back home and as he does; they see a school building with children inside that has caught fire.
Without hesitation, without thinking about their own safety in the face of tremendous fear and risk, Ponyboy and Johnny run into the school building to rescue those children. Just as they get the last child out a beam from the ceiling falls, hits Johnny in the back, trapping him, breaking his back, giving him severe burns.
You know, I believe all of us have that kind of courage inside of us as men. We wouldn't hesitate, sometimes at our own peril, to run in and help others and yet, having the kind of courage it takes for us to be able to say “we need help. Let's go find somebody to help us to make this relationship better”, sometimes it feels like it's just out of our reach.
So, what I want to do is really encourage you guys. It's okay to ask for help, it's not weakness, it actually shows tremendous, tremendous courage and it's a way to fight for your relationship, it's a way to add tools to your toolbox, to make things better because what you're doing may not be working.
So, let's go find some techniques and tools, let's go get access to some information and to some relational patterns that we don't have available to us right now, so that we can help this relationship.
I want to encourage you to go to our website. There's a free e-book on our website called “Living Happily Ever After, couples and goal setting” and it's free to you, it's our gift to you, so feel free to go and grab it and we'll see you next time. Thanks so much.
- Tom Philp, LPC & CEO
Stonebridge Couples Therapy